Bad News

So as everyone is aware my article was published last week in the Daily Universe, well today I went to Google and searched my name to find the article and see if it was the first thing to pop up. Well, turns out there’s a criminal in Arizona whose name also happens to be Dustin Draper, needless to say I was appalled! This imposter is hogging all the potential fame I could be getting each time Dustin Draper is typed into Google! So I need each of you to type my name into google and go click on my news article. I figure that if each one of us does this five times… a day, then I will shortly be on top. In fact why don’t each of you just set my article link as your homepage! Yes that way every time you get on the internet you can join the effort to depose this so called “Dustin Draper.” Thank you, thank you very much.